Forgiveness.

I have always been a forgiver, it's simply a part of who I am. You do something bad, you're forgiven, here's your second or third or fourth or whatever number chance you are on with me. I forgive. I forgive, but I don't forget - -no matter how hard I may try to. I realized this today more so than I have any other time in my past. I forgive a lot of people, admittedly some people who probably don't deserve to be forgiven, but I still do it. Today though, I wondered if I even managed forgiveness with a certain individual. Now let me clarify that this individual technically never did anything purposefully directed to me, and yet, I feel that I need to forgive them. The only problem is, I realized that I haven't forgiven this person. Worse yet, I realized that I will likely never forgive them. And I tried to make myself believe otherwise, I tried to smile in this individual's general direction, I tried to avoid it even, and yet my smile manged to fall before it made it halfway across the room, my eyes managed to drift over there when I was trying to concentrate elsewhere, and I asked myself WHY more times than I thought was possible....
This person didn't do anything. This person probably doesn't even deserve the great indifference I feel in regards to them. But you see, I can't forgive this person, and I certainly can't forget, but for just this once, just this one single time, I wish that I could go back. I wish that I could take back that first evil thought that began it all. But most of all I wish that I could just forgive and forget.