Blank Sheet of Paper

It's a disease. I know I can't fix everything, but that doesn't mean I won't end up nearing death trying to... Because, you know, there are some people in the world who don't deserve to have bad things happen to them. Guys who are too damn amazing to get their hearts broken. People who work too hard and make too little. People who sacrifice their own happiness because it will make someone else happy - -the happy that they knew themselves not that long ago. It's not fair. Life isn't fair. I realize this. But I really wish it could play a little more fair to those good people.

I don’t have the right to write this, but it’s any and all final thoughts I have about this particular situation in a definite jumbled mess. Continue on at your own risk. I miss you. You’re a fucking idiot if you don’t know that, but I also have to call myself a fucking idiot for still thinking about you on occasion. Now a part of me hopes that you’ll read this and that you’ll feel guilty about what happened. The other part of me hopes you don’t read this and that you don’t spend one second of the rest of your life thinking about me. [Do you think about me? I don’t have the right to ask you that, but it’s a question that’s crossed my mind times before. You don’t have to answer me, you could if you want, but you don’t have to.] My feelings are this: Through all of this, past and present, I wish that I could slash your name... Wish I could call you horrible names, bad mouth you to your friends, bad mouth you to everyone… But I can’t… Because I know it’s not true. Because despite it all y

Have you ever told yourself something so many times that you began to question if it was real, if you could really feel or do the thing you kept telling yourself? How many times can you tell yourself "I'm fine" before you start wondering Am I really fine? Because the answer is probably no, you're not fine, you're really rather horrible. Why can't we just be honest with ourselves?

You want to do it... You need to do it.... But something's holding you back and for the life of you you don't know what it is and not doing it is causing you all of this pain that you can't seem to get rid of but you can't bring yourself to do it because what if that somehow makes everything worse? Have you ever experienced anything like that?

"Rumor" is just another word for lie . "She slept with her boyfriend." "She's trying to steal away her best friend." "They're always together." "She hates him." "She called her a slut." "They got drunk and went home together." "They never would have worked." "She's too reckless. She needs to think before she acts." Blah, blah, blah, and the list goes on! We've all heard the rumors that have been spread about ourselves. The crazy things that people come up with because they're so bored and they have something petty against you... What's a quick fix? A rumor! And by now I honestly thought that this would have been all done and over with. The "She tried to steal my boyfriend!" accusation and everything that followed it. Which, even if I had been trying to, she had already fucked it up royally by cheating on him. So what's the point of a rumor again? You fuck it u

You're not allowed to be pained by this. You're not allowed to change things because I change things. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened while you're ready for the next thing. No, you're definitely NOT allowed.

I do not want to date an asshole. I do not want to date an asshole that I know is an asshole already nor do I want to date a nice guy that will become an asshole. I want a genuinely nice guy. We're hard pressed for those these days, but I think I deserve one. We all deserve one. A guy who is there. Physically, mentally, emotionally, just there . Yea... We all deserve one of those...

If you want consistency, date an asshole! Because when you first meet him, and you start dating, you already know that he's an asshole. You know what to expect of him. If you want consistency, don't date a nice guy! Because with a nice guy, you run the chance of him doing something duche-like that was not expected. Then there goes your consistency.