Blank Sheet of Paper

My Christmas present to myself: Your ring. Why? Because there really is no point in trying to outrun it.

I could swear to you that it was calling me. With all that’s happened this past week, it makes perfect sense. Besides, it was only going to be for a few hours while I was at work, there would have been no harm. I didn’t do it though. I couldn’t tell you how, but I left that room without touching it. And a part of me is really glad I did that. The other part is telling me that I'm a damned fool for trying to outrun it.

There are some things that are better left at a distance. Some things that are pretty to look at, but if you reach out to try to touch them they will either (A) hold your fingerprints forever or (B) fall and shatter completely. I've come to the conclusion that your ring is one of those things that is better looked at, but not touched. It's a gorgeous ring, don't get me wrong, not to mention that you gave it to me, so it meant something . You see, I've worn that ring every day for nearly a month {a month this Thursday}, but last night as I laid curled on my sister's couch looking at it, I couldn't help but wonder if it was right that I still keep that piece of you so close to my heart. ...I'll never forget, but maybe I shouldn't remember so much, so often. So your ring is currently tucked safely inside the door of my jewelry box. I can look at it still, I undoubtedly will, I'm just wondering how long I'll last before I slip it on and remember

I'm wearing your ring again. Though it could be described as gaudy as I sit in my jeans and shirt, I don't mind it catching that great attention. I also found that it fits better on a different finger than the one I usually wear it on, and the next time you see me, maybe you'll notice the difference. (Actually, I know you won't notice it at all, but I guess it's just the light reflecting in the ring that's making me a bit more thoughtful than usual.) It surprises me a little that I still have this ring... That I never tossed it or put it away in a fit of rage. *laughs* No. It sat in the same place day after day, me paying careful attention to never touch it. Never touch it, that is, until precisely a week ago when it took the place of a ring that I was told I could not wear. I picked up that ring, and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't worn it. Maybe I should have chosen another ring, there were other possibilities, but part of me kne

You Are A Romantic You live your life like a fairy tale... or at least you try to. Living for magical moments, you believe there's only one true love for you. Love is the most important thing in your life, and you don't take it for granted. Your perfect match loves to be in love as much as you do! Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Why is it that there exist people who don’t know the greatness they deserve? Individuals who are utterly amazing yet they are hell-bent on saying that they’ve done or said something to deserve their misery. News Flash : You have done no such thing to deserve your confusion, and the fact that you think you have is downright ridiculous because you deserve more. [I would also like to add that it distresses me greatly when you refuse to recognize that simple and true fact because it is just that: true .] Now I have a rather lengthy speech that I could give you, and I have to bite my tongue so that I don’t go spiraling into it at this moment. I’m also aware of the likelihood that you will ignore this speech and any others that may come after, but then again I suppose that most of these speeches deserve to be ignored. I lost the majority of my rights to tell you what you deserve months back, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell you you deserve great though… Because you do. You have to realize

I have this picture of you in my head, two actually. Two moments where the thing you did somehow seemed to be... more . ...Two moments that I am deathly afraid of forgetting. I can see them clearly, these moments. The lighting. Your hair slightly disheveled. The smell. I'm there . But what about tomorrow? ... Or next week? ...Will I remember then? Should I remember?

It's a disease. I know I can't fix everything, but that doesn't mean I won't end up nearing death trying to... Because, you know, there are some people in the world who don't deserve to have bad things happen to them. Guys who are too damn amazing to get their hearts broken. People who work too hard and make too little. People who sacrifice their own happiness because it will make someone else happy - -the happy that they knew themselves not that long ago. It's not fair. Life isn't fair. I realize this. But I really wish it could play a little more fair to those good people.

I don’t have the right to write this, but it’s any and all final thoughts I have about this particular situation in a definite jumbled mess. Continue on at your own risk. I miss you. You’re a fucking idiot if you don’t know that, but I also have to call myself a fucking idiot for still thinking about you on occasion. Now a part of me hopes that you’ll read this and that you’ll feel guilty about what happened. The other part of me hopes you don’t read this and that you don’t spend one second of the rest of your life thinking about me. [Do you think about me? I don’t have the right to ask you that, but it’s a question that’s crossed my mind times before. You don’t have to answer me, you could if you want, but you don’t have to.] My feelings are this: Through all of this, past and present, I wish that I could slash your name... Wish I could call you horrible names, bad mouth you to your friends, bad mouth you to everyone… But I can’t… Because I know it’s not true. Because despite it all y

Have you ever told yourself something so many times that you began to question if it was real, if you could really feel or do the thing you kept telling yourself? How many times can you tell yourself "I'm fine" before you start wondering Am I really fine? Because the answer is probably no, you're not fine, you're really rather horrible. Why can't we just be honest with ourselves?

You want to do it... You need to do it.... But something's holding you back and for the life of you you don't know what it is and not doing it is causing you all of this pain that you can't seem to get rid of but you can't bring yourself to do it because what if that somehow makes everything worse? Have you ever experienced anything like that?

"Rumor" is just another word for lie . "She slept with her boyfriend." "She's trying to steal away her best friend." "They're always together." "She hates him." "She called her a slut." "They got drunk and went home together." "They never would have worked." "She's too reckless. She needs to think before she acts." Blah, blah, blah, and the list goes on! We've all heard the rumors that have been spread about ourselves. The crazy things that people come up with because they're so bored and they have something petty against you... What's a quick fix? A rumor! And by now I honestly thought that this would have been all done and over with. The "She tried to steal my boyfriend!" accusation and everything that followed it. Which, even if I had been trying to, she had already fucked it up royally by cheating on him. So what's the point of a rumor again? You fuck it u

You're not allowed to be pained by this. You're not allowed to change things because I change things. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened while you're ready for the next thing. No, you're definitely NOT allowed.

I do not want to date an asshole. I do not want to date an asshole that I know is an asshole already nor do I want to date a nice guy that will become an asshole. I want a genuinely nice guy. We're hard pressed for those these days, but I think I deserve one. We all deserve one. A guy who is there. Physically, mentally, emotionally, just there . Yea... We all deserve one of those...

If you want consistency, date an asshole! Because when you first meet him, and you start dating, you already know that he's an asshole. You know what to expect of him. If you want consistency, don't date a nice guy! Because with a nice guy, you run the chance of him doing something duche-like that was not expected. Then there goes your consistency.

It’s funny the things I remember. How a simple “aw” crossed someone’s mouth early in summer and made me blush. How nervous I was that one Friday night but then I leaned my weight into the door after I closed it because I was afraid I would faint from ecstasy. How my heart would skip a beat every time a certain act was done. It’s amazing how life throws you off balance like that.

I watched part of One Tree Hill tonight. I guess that's what happens when you have an unusual day off. I remember now though, why I started to watch that show in the first place. The words in the background... Those are the ones that mean the most.

I should have said no. That I want to keep trying.

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling that something is about to happen, something that will throw your whole world off balance, but you're incapable of stopping it. You feel like a bus is headed straight for you, but your feet aren't getting the message to move the hell back. And then... BAM You're hit. I'm hit. Why couldn't I do anything about it? I wanted to change the outcome. My heart and head were screaming, but my mouth wasn't opening to get that one little phrase out. And then bam. I'm too late.

I don't get hints.

I never thought of my birthday as anything special. Another year gone by. Another list of things I didn't get done. Another list of things that I've done wrong. Despite this, I've always been excited for my birthday. The usual: "Yes, another year older!" But this time around, I'm wishing it could stay just a near thought in the future. Eighteen. It's pretty big, isn't it? At least it seems to be. In reality, there isn't anything overly special about it. It's just another number, but somehow it's gotten to mean a little more. So what do I want for my birthday this year? In addition to the flying carpet, genie, my own little place, and a 1956 Jaguar Roadster, there's one more thing... I want you .

When I looked into those cloudy eyes tonight, they nearly knocked me off my feet. You see, I've always had this little admiration for eyes. They tell you everything you need to know. The gateway to their thoughts.... The gateway to their soul . And when I looked up into those eyes tonight, I saw the emotion flooding out from behind them. I've never been an open person. I can't exactly pinpoint the time in my life where I closed myself up, but the simple fact is I have trouble sharing my thoughts - -my feelings. That's an issue. There are 2 people however who know everything about me. The people who always catch me at the right moment, when the water's threatening to push over, and the dam finally breaks. And believe it or not, I'm a little bit more open because of these 2 people in my life - -not much, but better . I just wish that that number could up itself to 3. It could be 3. I want it to be 3 more than I am capable of describing. And it kills me

There's something calming about the water, even though I'm scared to death of drowning. When I was younger, I use to go fishing with my dad. I haven't done that in literally years, but I can still remember the routine of it, down to the very clothing we wore. The catching of tadpoles, the heading upstream while my fingers were strung through the loops of my dad's waders. I was always afraid that the current would sweep me away and I would end up somewhere so far downstream that I would be left behind. That never happened though, much to the dismay of my father and sister, I'm sure. These days the water carries me away in a different sense. Instead of carrying me physically away, it seems to carry away any and all insecurities I may be harboring at that time. It cleanses my mind and nothing in particular comes to mind except for the thought I wonder if I could catch tadpoles here... I feel like I get this far off look in my eye when my friends and I end up at

I've decided it's time that I write more. This is where it might, and hopefully will, happen.